Lovebug

We all know that we need to go through knocks in this life, it's a hell of a ride so of course we need to take them. The good outweighs the bad, but it's the bad stuff we remember and dwell on. I wish I could take a pill and reverse that but until the guys in white lab coats get cracking on that, I'll just have to live with it and get stronger like the rest of the known world, who knows, maybe after they're finished coming up with the cure for cancer and aids they can help my bleeding heart.
I can safely say I am not in love with my ex. I realize now how wrong he was for me, how little potential I had with my own life when I was with him, and that no matter what my idealistic nature told me...it was going nowhere, and fast.
The dagger to the heart, so to speak, is the things I miss. I just spent 2 days with some of the people I miss everyday I'm not with them. His family, why do they have to be so great. They found out I wasn't able to go home for Christmas and asked me to come spend it with them. Everyone said, "Well hey, won't that be awkward?" but the answer was OMG not at all! I love them, they really are like family. If HE was there it would've been awkward, because he has completely written me out of his life like I did something wrong when he is the one who crushed my heart to begin with. No tact, none at all. I wish he would've just changed but I don't think men really do change, they just find someone that will put up with them.
I think I was blessed and cursed with the ability to love someone with every part of me, right down to the molecules. It's amazing when you're in it, but it's also really scary...you know there is always the chance of losing in it and you put all your efforts into avoiding that at all costs. This is pretty detrimental to self-identity because it goes to the wayside when trying to please someone else whom you love. Then when that love is torn away from you so abruptly, it's really taxing to a) pick yourself up off the floor and stand on your own two feet, b) find who you are again because you seemed to have lost yourself somewhere in all the chaos of love, and c) learn to let go. C was the hardest, I don't love him anymore but he still has the power to break my heart. Small things, seeing pictures with his girlfriend that he brought back home for Christmas when last year he didn't even ask me to fly with him even though we were going to the same damn town in the middle of nowhere; also seeing more pictures out at the club when he refused to ever come have fun with me at the club or anywhere else to begin with. It just hurts to feel like you're not good enough for someone who didn't even deserve you to begin with. I don't think that will ever change, it's been 6 months and it still hurts. I know I deserve better and I'm finally ready to go there. Hallelujah.

Whitney Whitney Whitney the fairest of them all <3

WHITNEY!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wAN3p7U5dk

OK

So I Will Always Love You is a classic. Perhaps the best love song. I just have to say, I remember when Whitney was on the Grammy's performing it, she wore a white dress, walked down these stairs...I really remember it, that's how great it was. I'm so lucky that I was 10/11 ish because in my memory it was perfect, she looked like a princess in the dress, she sounded like no other human being on the planet, because lets face it--no one can do Whitney, unfortunately not even Whitney (as of right now anyways--it's only the beginning of her comeback!). I cried from a song, that was the first time music brought me to tears, probably the first time I felt the tingles you get from an amazing voice. The Bodyguard was my first CD...well I got that and Aladdin at the same time LOL. I remember thinking she was like an angel. Who knows, has anyone ever checked for wings? Her voice just seems impossible. Anyways that link is for one of the best live performances of the song, in Chile...God was she feelin it. SHE CAN WAIL!
Ahhh nostalgia =D

And here is the Grammy performance:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vld0ZpGHvPU&feature=related

Starting Fresh

You know what? I've been blessed in life.
I was given a chance to start from scratch and I am so much stronger than I've ever been.
Sometimes something you initially look at as a complete curse ends up giving your life a much needed make-over. I get that term, zest for life.
Nothing like being OVER it to gain a little perspective on life. You have to move forward in this life, we have SUCH a short time living it...
Go jump on your bed now, no sleeping on it, fun is to be had today.
PEACE hos & bros

Wrote a little song about it...wanna hear it?

I love you like a cream puff
A tasty treat, can't get enough
You're yummy like marshmallow peeps
But not the kind from Halloween
You know the ones from Christmas time
That seem to make me sing and rhyme
I love you more than licorice
But surely red, black makes me sick
The reds just like a candy heart
They're small and cute, a piece of art
Which brings me back to you my love
You're meant for me like hand to glove.

Stop Flapping Your Wings little Hummingbird

Today I've taken a hard hit.

I went in for an appointment to see the specialist on concussions. There are so many things I'm not allowed to do until I am "symptom-free", meaning: no more headache, no more fatigue...you get the picture. I'm really at a loss, my whole life has to change, I have to drop out of baseball, hockey, and ringette. All A league as well that I was recruited to play in. I'm basically to take everything off my plate, she even wants me to hold off on school for a year. The school thing is never going to happen, let's get that straight right away. I'm supposed to have naps or periods of rest every time I feel like I'm getting winded, which by the way is a lot in a day. These periods of rest are not what I would call rest either, like watching TV or dicking around with my computer. The periods of rest are literally resting my brain not just my body...like DO NOTHING. Even when I do nothing I do have to do something, say I have a bath...I go in there with a book, sometimes a meal :P, I put a movie on, basically I never relax which attributes to the fact I never can sleep. Sleep is my number one objective to getting healthy again. My little hummingbird of a mind never rests, it's usually light out when I fall asleep and I don't sleep much when I lay there, nor do I stay in bed for long. Regular sleeping habits are key. OK I'm going to try as hard as I can at that.
I can't believe I won't be playing any sports for months. You know, team sports are my addiction. I'm not a drug addict or an alcoholic but I literally am addicted to playing sports and I find myself in an identity crisis without them. Also I have a hard time meeting new people without them. She said that 8 concussions is outrageous for a 26 year old and that it's extremely dangerous to even go hop on a bike or dance or jog without severely damaging my brain. Here I am asking yeah but when can I go play hockey? It's non-contact hockey, but inadvertent contact always happens and I'm usually the reason it happens. They should have some sort of support group for people like me. She said you need to realize that the next time you get one while you're recovering from this one you could potentially die. FLAT OUT said that. Yet I'm still contemplating playing ringette and definitely coaching. I need a slap in the face.

9/11 & La Tete

I don't know about the rest of you but every time 9/11 comes back around it just reminds me that there is so much we still don't know about it, so many unanswered questions. I feel like the US government thinks we are all sheep and I also feel like most people are. You really have to open your eyes and start questioning the man.
There are posters all over Vancouver today talking about 9/11 truth and what not, really glares right at you!
I am on the there is no possible way those planes were brought down by planes alone side of the fence.
..............................
K that aside, I'm going in for a CT scan on the 16th and I'm super nervous about it. The doctor at the ER said he didn't want me to have one at the time I was in because I'm too young and you can get brain cancer from the scan. So anytime someone throws around the C word with that ease I'm a little hesitant to say the least. However, this being my 8th concussion, something needs to be done. I also want to see what my brain looks like, lol, so that part will be kinda cool!
Well I'll update on the good ole noggin don't you worry!
OH and the scan takes 3 hours!!! How the heck will I stay still for that long? LOL I am wayyy to jittery to stay still for 5 minutes let alone 3 hours :P

Favorite Tweets!!

Here is a collection of my fave tweets on twitter, either profound or hilarious!
I'll update them as they come :P

• Dolly_Parton"Storms make trees take deeper roots" - Dolly
• mileycyrus"If thats the way you love, you've got to learn so much. If that's the way you say goodbye then this is how it ends and I'm alright with it"
• NotTinaFeyOh you kids these days. I can't tell which one is a hipster and which one's a hobo. You're all wearing beards, plaid, and riding a bike.
• heavyd“A champion is someone who gets up when he can't.” -Jack Dempsey
• mrskutcherRT @Geevie: "Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." - Eleanor Roosevelt
• drdrewOnce made equal to man, woman becomes his superior - Socrates Hmm, how 'bout that.
• drdrew"Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm." Winston Churchill Not a bad axiom to keep in mind
• SarahKSilvermanWatched a 7 year old boy torture a pigeon today in MacArthur park. It was the performance art version of my week.
• drdrewIf the biology is activated even by appropriately prescribed medication, the disease awakens and progresses - really without exception
• SarahKSilvermanShould I be worried? My dad found shit in his stool.
• SarahKSilvermanI really wanna say "let's just agree to disagree" but there hasn't been a reason to. Now I know what the holocaust must've been like.
• Dolly_Parton"It's a good thing I was born a girl. Otherwise I'd be a drag queen." - Dolly
• drdrewThe opposite of a fact is falsehood,but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth-Niels Bohr
• therealrussellpSaw a Fat guy today sitting still and breathing heavy... Had no idea it was that tiring!
• Dolly_Parton"The thing that's always worked for me is the fact that I look so totally artificial, but am so totally real." - Dolly
• SarahKSilvermanMy nephew turned 3. I bought him a rape kit. I know this is hacky but he really did just play with the box the whole time. Kids!
• jtimberlakeIf you needed to type, say "I'm preparing to do my taxes", instead try the #southern version "I'm finna do taxes" and save 10 characters.
• aliciakeysThere's always sum good tht comes frm sorrow, sum grace tht comes frm difficulty, sum opportunity tht cmes whn 1 door closes & another opens
• Dolly_Parton"The magic is inside you... there ain't no crystal ball!" - Dolly
• JohnCleeseFeeling a bit better. May be strong enough to poke Garry in the eye with a plastic fork, which is a sign that my strength is coming back...
• JohnCleeseDear long suffering fans, just to let you know that I am on the mend. Poking Garry with that fork cheered me up no end....
• JohnCleeseMy dear, dear twittering twats. I have dragged myself from my bed, where I have been resting, and thinking of new ways to taunt Garry... ...
• aliciakeysKnow that no matter what, u are protected by a higher power! Those with pure intentions will always win. those opposite will lose in the end
• SarahKSilvermanGoodnight Buck. If you had lived you'd have become a disappointment to mom too.
• aliciakeysIf you've never read Kahlil Gibran, get into him....he said "An eye for an eye, and the whole world would be blind" Deep thought huh?
• JohnCleeseDearest Twittering Twats, Just to let you know that reports of my death are greatly exaggerated...
• Dolly_Parton"Find out who you are and do it on purpose."
• Dolly_Parton"If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain" - Dolly
• SarahKSilvermanGoodnight to Katharine Hepburnish head-shaking talkers who aren't even saying no.
• MiriGoldsteinHow is it i have more marks on me from a sober night with my gays than the nights when i cant even stand? I mean seriously.
• MiriGoldsteinDear life, I think we might be in a fight right now. Don’t be weird. I’m cool, you’re cool. Let’s hug it out.... http://tumblr.com/xgy25qmwa
• DameElizabeth@Marie_Monr0e Fortunately for me I still have an active, up to date mind which for a "hip" lady like myself comes naturally. One Slick Chick
• JohnCleeseI forgot to recharge myself overnight. I may not be able to contin
• BirdmanAndersenMy memory's hazy, but I mighta taken a chomp out of this dude's ass back in '02. Angeldust is one hell of a drug. http://tinyurl.com/ns7so5
• sherbear7729just going to sim out for awhile... I like my virtual life better at the moment...
• officialkathygIf u watch the "My Life on the D List" finale tonight on Bravo, I'll blow you. It's that simple. Oh, and I think I'm pregnant.
• BirdmanAndersenPorn gets a bad rap. It's essentially Discovery Channel for humans. I know I'VE learned stuff from it.
• officialkathygYou heard it here first! I'm finally entering Hustler mags "Beaver Hunt" Wish me luck.
• BirdmanAndersenI've decided it's impossible to throw an old garbage can away. Garbage dude keeps leaving it on the curb.
• BirdmanAndersenJR Smith told me he'd give his right arm to be ambidextrous. A year or two of college might have been a good idea, JR. SMH
• NotTinaFeyIt wouldn't be summer without that NY garbage smell.
• NotTinaFeyWhere will Blanket be in ten years?
• NotTinaFeyHopefully, upgraded to Quilt.
• tonycoco@aplusk how about, "you should probably know i have been writing a he-man movie since i was 13. it's going to be epic."
• FlyAwayUmbrellaNot everyone gets to go to infinity and beyond
• FlyAwayUmbrellaMy fortune cookie just said: "You desire new frontiers. It's time to travel."
• FlyAwayUmbrellaMy grandma just walked naked into the bathroom where I sat upon the toilet. And yet, I am undisturbed. That sums up my family.
• 
  

Break-ups for the Optimist

Break-ups are hard for an optimist. Every night I lay in bed, feeling lonely without you and then I drift away to a place where life makes sense again. You are there; you kiss me and tell me you love me. You say everything is going to be alright. The ache in my heart is gone and that faint memory of butterflies and bliss take their rightful place back. There is this haunting feeling in the dream though, its strange, like I’m underwater and I need to surface up to where I belong. Reality right? That’s what is beyond the meniscus I have to painfully break through each morning. I wake up and realize you left all over again. Not only did you leave, you dropped out of my life, telling me you still love me. That’s not fair, personally I think love surpasses all and if you love someone you stay with them and never let them go. With all of that in mind, I’m always thinking you will be coming around the corner with roses in your hands begging for me to be your girl again. Every single day, it hasn’t quit, when will it quit? No one tells you when you fall in love with someone about this part. I can hardly breathe without you, but you’re gone. “When you’re dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part, then all at once you have to say goodbye, wondering could you stay my love, will you wake up by my side, no you cant, cause you’re gone gone gone.” I hate waking up; I could dream forever and be happy with the essence of what you left behind in my heart. My heart breaks everyday because of my optimism of seeing your face behind a knock on the door. The thing is, you are never there. Eventually, I have to figure out how I’m supposed to be without you. Existing alone in this world isn’t easy. We cut out the world in our relationship and now I’m really all alone, no wonder I hold on to you my love. My first love, there will be more but right now it’s only you babe. Everything happens for a reason and it’s how you adapt to it that makes you either fly or flounder.

High School Blink

You think 26 is old right? I mean when I was in high school and I thought of 26 I would obviously say, “OMG that’s almost 30…ewwww!!” Well it’s not once you get there, you don’t feel much different than you did in high school. The exception is that you finally start accepting yourself as an individual, gaining some confidence outside of your circle of friends. You start caring less about being popular, putting way less effort into being part of the in-crowd and let’s be honest about attaining the status of the sheik clique, its exhausting whether you’re rockin’ it like Regina George or a victim of it like the majority of the world. Holding on to your popularity or striving for it, it’s all work, everyday it’s all that consumes you. High school: it’s a bitch or it’s the glory days, for me it was both.

I feel it’s my duty to warn all of you that growing up happens so fast, seriously, I mean SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY fast! I feel like one day I was the point guard of the basketball team and the next I was worried about bills and such a bigger picture of reality. Not that high school isn’t reality, it is at the time a reality for you, and it was for me too. It WAS the end of the world when my BFF and I got into a spat, I DID think we would never talk again and that BOY was so not worth our friendship. But whatever she was a super huge bitch for telling him that I wrote Mrs. Baxter on my binder when all I was doing was practicing my new signature for when we got married! However the next week you’re friends again and it’s onto the next overdone emotion. Granted, hormones fuck you up, I was a raging bitch and now I’m so chillaxed, it’s crazy to think I threw a remote control at my mom because she wasn’t going to let me watch Dawson’s Creek. That all aside, the drama takes over your life but then, blink, you’re throwing up your hat at grad (even though they tell you not to because the pointy end killed a girl once or some shit—urban myth I’m sure of it) because that is the tradition and you do what people did before you. Then you say bye to all of your friends that summer and go to college where its kinda nuts but you have independence so it’s wicked awesome for the first year at least. Yeah, but like I was saying, its all gone so fast. You start forgetting stuff you used to think was so epic and might have even said “I’ll never forget this shit man!” The just of this spiel is me telling you to write it down. Blogging is so cool anyways that you’ll gain a following. Make sure you have something that says what you really feel though. You have to censor a blog like it’s nobody’s business, there’s no way you’re going to blog about who u have a mad crazy crush on. Dear Diary is the kind of deal I’m laying out for you, I regret not doing it, and you will regret it so use my wisdom of ten or so years on you and write down your journey! You will love me forever and ever amen!